So, when I was in high school, there were ads for Clorets that I really liked. No, not the ones with Kramer from Seinfeld, but earlier ones that starred someone who looked and talked for all the world like Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Anthony Stewart Head — and essentially were “in life” cases where the actor would be in a situation and ask if you ever noticed how in certain cases no one says anything about something, and they don’t say anything about your breath either, so you should use Clorets and be sure. For example:
“Your boss is an idiot, right? And just when you’re telling everyone that no one ever tells you he’s listening. It’s the same thing with bad breath. [turns around to see boss standing behind him] No one ever tells you. Be sure, use Clorets.”
There was another one about an elevator, and it turns out that at one point after it came out I went on a school trip with my friends — who all knew about my love of those commercials — to a museum, and we got on the elevator to move between floors with some other people. I was standing at the front of the elevator, with everyone else mostly behind me. Silence fell. And I couldn’t resist, and said:
“Ever notice when you’re standing in an elevator no one talks to you, they just stare blankly at the numbers. Have you got bad breath? Have they? Be sure, use Clorets”.
Now, again, I was standing at the front, so I couldn’t confirm this with my own eyes, but I am assured that two things happened:
1) My friends cracked up.
2) The other people looked at me like I was insane.
Ah, memories [grin].
It is interesting to note that in my last of high school I used breath mints, but didn’t use Clorets. The reason? “Clorets don’t taste very good” [grin].